10 Cc - I'm Not In Love Lyrics

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They are struggling so much with their mental illness that they are incapable of feeling emotions of any kind, including love. This sucks and it has ruined our life and marriage.

Or his favorite color? I've had many women tell me that very often when they are loved they feel unworthy of a stable relationship, and then proceed to the task of fault finding as a way to stay safe and in control from what some might view the inevitable pain of intimacy. Adding depression to the mix makes it that much harder, but it is survivable.

10 Cc - I'm Not In Love Lyrics

Other times he or she was clueless, plodding securely along the ups and downs of couple life believing that all was well. Sometimes in marriages, the robust couple connection slowly starts to die, but the decline is so subtle, so gradual that neither partner notices its gasps and whimpers until it reaches its final breath. What does it mean, this string of ten words that has so much power to harm? It speaks about the lost life force of a couple — that desire to be close, to be together, the impulse for , the complicity, the sexual energy that was an essential part of falling in love in the early days of the union. They need to be watered, fed, pruned and cared for. And that can be a sadness for the person who no longer feels the want, as well. He or she may also wish that the web of familial relationship could be preserved when the sexual love is gone. I can be found online at and. That doesn't mean that love can't be made the number 1 priority again with a bit of effort. I should think not. Loving someone can transcend a physical bond making it far deeper than what people see in movies and tv shows. So, that is a HUGE problem in marriage because in marriage you have the expectation of sexual fidelity you don't labor under sexual fidelity rules with family members. If your sole supplier of intimacy, for the rest of your life, ain't in love with you and if they are saying it forget about sex with them - what are you supposed to do? You can love the and not be their spouse anymore. Like a family member. If your romantic partner utters those words - it is over intimacy wise anyway. The reason I say that is that I have rekindled that bond after those words were said to me. It didn't work out but because I fought for it I have a beautiful daughter. I've been told that they just want to be friends and there is no sexual attraction and then a couple months later we are sleeping together again and she's asking if it's wrong that she missed that. Because there are people involved the only rules that matter are what consenting adults agree on, not what I read in psychology today. Other psychologists I've talked to tell me that it's a winding road and the relationship doesn't stay as intense from beginning to end. Sometimes when the intimacy is gone it can be rekindled. Sometimes people make up their minds and when they say that it means they've moved on and don't want to rekindle it, not that it is impossible, and very often this is due to relationship fatigue, and this attitude can dissipate once people have enough time and space away from each other, and sometimes people grow apart with same time and space. Relationships are often messy without any hard and fast rules. Statistically, I am sure that some people are living in denial when pining after their spouse and that it truly is over, and then sometimes things ain't what they seem. I've had many women tell me that very often when they are loved they feel unworthy of a stable relationship, and then proceed to the task of fault finding as a way to stay safe and in control from what some might view the inevitable pain of intimacy. This way, a person may have control, rather than be victimized by heartbreak. Only you can know which situation you are in. I suspect you may already know one way or the other. If you feel that she is simply running from you out of fear of getting hurt and may still have feelings that she is unwilling to admit, then in my experience the recourse would be to stick around and reassure her in soft unspoken ways that you are not the abandoning kind. She may view your quitting on her after she gave you the boot that you were going to leave anyway. However, there is no guarantee that she will open up to your heartfelt advances, and this would be the time to let her go, cause ultimately the choice to take you back is hers, and not yours. The other situation is if you really screwed up and hurt her in some way. In this case she may still love you but does not want to give you that power by admitting it while she is still angry at you. In this case if you make amends in respectful, non-imposing ways, then you might find that she is willing to forgive you and take you back, or perhaps not. If neither of these responses are appropriate then you are better off washing your hands completely if you cannot endure the terms or have the patience to persevere because then you will only open up old wounds. Remember, respect compassion humility and understanding are the foundation towards starting or rekindling any relationship. But it really comes from is the decline in communication and sitting down and having those close talks you used to have when things were really good. When your mindset was a little more insecure in a healthy way and consciously did everything to secure your love and relationship because you didnt want to lose it. Here is where the importance of communicating comes to play... It goes back and forth between each other.. Like 2 souls interweaving their pattern through life together. Perhaps it is the stronger one at the time... Now things start to get really convoluted becuase the week one Now Strong feels isolated and confused and pushed away. Communication,talking to your other when you are feeling that this is what need from you right now, under lifes circumstances at that particular time, is the one main ingredient to a happy content and truly fulfilling life together. I love my wife as a close friend and mother of my children. However, I have no deeper feelings for her, nor do I desire her sexually. Way too much stress and life has passed under our bridge and I can assure you that there is no fixing it. It made me understand a whole lot better... I've never heard or known that before it existed and when I heard it, I felt like my heart was struck fiercely that I died instantly. I could literally felt my heart stop from beating and the world stop evolving on me. Next thing I know I was asked by someone if I am ok and I said yes I am fine, why you asked? I never noticed that tears running down my cheeks already. I wanted to believe that he only said it because he was really mad at me, but was that really enough reason to justify his words? I don't know, I really don't know till now. All, I know is that in some ways I was glad he said it rather than heard later when we are married already. It still echoes in my head like crazy but the good thing is I know LOVE is NEVER SELFISH and because of that I am able to let go and let GOD heal me from it. There's absolutely nothing wrong with those words, and if anything, it's being honest and truthful rather than fake or lying. It's completely normal to not be in love after a few years of bliss. Your marriage then stays intact through the love and friendship. But here I'm reading that everyone here is going crazy and bonkers over those words, as if they were fightin words. So, Americans feel that if such words are spoken which are simply truthful words for 99% of us , that divorce is in order? Most cultures don't even depend on being in love to marry, they marry for compatibility. Only western culture uses being in love as a measure of a relationship and that's just stupid and if you disagree, just look at western country's world leading divorce rates. Marriage is about a commitment to living someone and having a loving friendship, not about being in love. Look at arranged marriages, they have the highest marriage success rates of all, far more successful than western marriages. No, but they do build love over time. And they are generally happier than western marriages. It's because western culture's notion of having to be in love is unrealistic and can't be maintained, so they divorce. Being in love and loving someone are two different things. Cultures with very low divorce rates don't need to be in love and they are right. Being in love is too much to expect since experts all confirm that that feeling goes away after a few years. Here are expert comments about this silly notion of having to be in love in order to marry or happily stay married. I had initially linked these quotes below but it triggered the spam filter so I was forced to unlink the sources. Love is not something that used to factor into marriages; it's a relatively modern concept. It turns out that love is a very fragile notion upon which to base a very important and complicated institution. I think most people throughout history would look at the way we choose our marriages today and just think, my God, these people took huge risks. They risk their future, financial stability, property and their heirs on something as fragile and delicate as romantic affection. It's not that that necessarily means that I advocate a return to arranged marriage, it just helps put in perspective why contemporary western marital arrangements can become so chaotic. Everyone wants a magic relationship that feels different and special. Ordinary relationships, apparently, are for undesirable people and previous eras. Unfortunately, in the real world, these magic relationships are about as stable as some atomic particles, disappearing faster than they can be measured. I never thought men could really talk a lot and they always say women are naggers.... I will read more of your comments Steve and ponder on it when m not too busy with work... I am feeling better now... I dont need a man to be happy but ofcourse if I have to consider lusting a man and go to bed with him definitely be looking for a man as of the moment, I dont think that would be even an option to consider. The ones who leave are the ones taken in by our society's pervasive, mythical love and sex as portrayed in movies, books, magazines, TV shows. They are the ones who believe that because in most cases they're lusting after someone else or craving someone else's lifestyle, it's perfectly acceptable and reasonable to just walk out the door because they have a need for immediate self-gratification. Not the kind created by a longterm loving, caring relationship, but the kind that gives them a temporary thrill. The gloss will eventually wear off that new relationship too. Maybe your theory on arranged marriages holds some truth, and maybe not. There undoubtedly are plenty of miserable arranged marriages. It may appeal to you but not to me. So I agree with your perspective that these words may be uttered as a way to rationalize another's desire to try something different. It is now 6 months latter and my husband is over that relationship so he says and says he still loves me. So one must be careful with the interpretation of this statement. As far as it made me feel, yes devasted and that the rug had been pulled out from under my feet as well as my 3 children. OR it means I've already found someone else and I'm deflecting the blame for my cheating to love. It's too much for poor little old me to fight! It's just an excuse. If you truly love someone you try again. Otherwise just break up! You just put my thoughts down on paper perfectly! Those words were spoken to me after 22 years. My first marriage and her second.. The new car smells good in the beginning but to keep that older car takes some work and shes just not willing to perform the maintenance. To sad for sure. Good riddance to my wife.. The expectations she seeks were already in her lap. Truly terrible the way people are willing to be selfish enough to end a family like that. This is her second time. I blame my self for not seeing it 22 years ago. But I did two great step kids out of the deal and was blessed with two of my own beautiful children from her. So, carrying on at 50 years old and not looking back but forward! We all know that love after years of marriage is not going to feel the same as when we were first in that relationship and we do not object to that. What we object to is our spouse using those words to excuse cheating, lying, abandonment and whatever else they are doing. It is obvious that you did not seriously read the posts; your answer is not even relevant to the subject being discussed. For me it is too much of a whining. I don't believe most of what you said. You are free to say whatever you wanna say and so am I. If, I got you offended in some ways then I am sorry for that. As to your question, yes I am for real. Your post was rather a lil late for me to contemplate, I mean when I wrote my post, I was definitely heart broken. As of the moment, I am really ok but I have to admit the pain is still there but not as much as when I posted my comment. Life is too short to live with that painful comment that my boyfriend so coldly thrown at me. If he is not in love with me anymore then that is not my problem that is his business to deal. I am moving on and would definitely intend to live my life the way I want it to be. For LOVE is like that it is SELFLESS and UNCONDITIONAL. LOVE is a CHOICE not a CHANCE. LOVE is a DECISION and not just based on feelings bruised feelings for that matter. LOVE is PERMANENT not temporary. All it takes is to appreciate the silly little things like a twinkle in her eyes, a cute sneeze, and soon you will find yourself thinking her fart in a crowded room is brilliant. It doesn't take much. It didn't take much when you first met, so why not build on what you both already have, bask in the sunshine of the great past and loving each other, and making the magic happen. Falling in love again isn't the challenge. The challenge is to remember to keep doing it. Even if it has been years since you were in love, remember that flicker in the eye ;- Good luck everyone. Overtime in love does change and it is about companionship and commitment. The fire dies out and the love becomes more of a bonding love you'd have for a family member. Steve is not saying those words are to be used as an excuse, but they are used as an excuse or a way out of the relationship. I think people who use this statement expect that love to go on forever, or are simply too immature to realize that the fire will always die out. But after, there should be a bonding love. Im recently a female of this action the words were spoken to be by my childrens father and partner of 15 years. As i understand people grow and things change and ive read everyones comments and opinions on this matter, which sure some have helped me feel better about it and some still leave me questioning what does it mean how does one be strong enough to accept such words. Alot of what i see is people stateing that when the words happen the sexs stops, that is not the case for has or it hasnt been. The sex has always been great and we both enjoy joy it. Why is it much harder for women to be ok with such statements? I know that i need to be ok with it and accept it is what it is but how does one make it work? In my religion Judaism we make sure before dating that we are compatible in terms of beliefs, family backgrounds, life goals, etc. Only then do we agree to date and then it's just to see if there's mutual attraction and chemistry. If there is, then we tie the knot! The purpose of the marriage is to create a stable home to bring children into, and to support each other throughout life. It's almost like a business partnership. It sounds extreme when compared to modern day Western marriage, but it really works most of the time! It's a shame that Western culture especially Hollywood has perverted the idea of what marriage is supposed to be! There were cultural and religious motivations behind our union. I cringe when people say these things because I care deeply about my husband and love him very much. People have become obsessed with romance, a great sex life, and physical attributes. All the pornography and objectification in our present culture is hurting our motivations behind maintaining strong marriages. Have we stopped to ponder on what marriage really is? I am committed to my marriage. I made sacred vows to him. I honor my contract to him. I make an effort to respect him. My kids greatly benefit. My children are happy and well adjusted. My parents never gave me that. I want my children to see marriage as a form of teamwork and a strong partnership. No one really has a romance out of a Nicholas Sparks movie, anyway. Although my spouse left me in a selfish and disrespectful manner jumped ship to another woman he hardly knew , I still feel the pain of the bond. Like you write, we all love our family members and loving someone can transcend the physical bond or honeymoon butterflies. My spouse walked out on the marriage 25 years and children and acts now as if we never existed. I just don't understand how there is so little devotion and makes me question if he ever felt any real love or if he was motivated only by the thrill of the initial pursuit. I believe some people are empty inside and use people to try to fill that void. When the partner can't fill the emptiness, it turns to anger directed to family members. I can see now that my spouse didn't see me as a person in my own right and not just a function of him. If he was ignored due to a life crisis which took attention away, there was little there for him to stay bonded. I still grapple with how little the marriage meant to him - no give and take and real respect. I have read many pyschologist articles where a relationship is built like a triangle. One - Love One - Passion One - Friendship All, even great loves, end up as friendships for a certain time and YES passion can come back into the relationship it just takes time and work to welcome it back. That doesn't mean that love can't be made the number 1 priority again with a bit of effort. I should think not. Loving someone can transcend a physical bond making it far deeper than what people see in movies and tv shows. We only have one life. Every day held in stasis, stuck in a relationship that no longer nourishes, even as you might wish it would or could, is another day in which both suffer. It is possible to love someone deeply in a familial way, and want to leave. There is some selfishness, yes. But there is as much selfishness in wanting someone to remain in a relationship when they want or need to be free of it. We only have one life. Every day held in stasis, stuck in a relationship that no longer nourishes, even as you might wish it would or could, is another day in which both suffer. It is possible to love someone deeply in a familial way, and want to leave. There is some selfishness, yes. But there is as much selfishness in wanting someone to remain in a relationship when they want or need to be free of it. The only people I hear that kind of response from are those that were the ones that left and are making excuses for their behavoir. In nearly every case I've ever heard of that speech being used, there had already been another man or woman in the picture for months. It is 100% of the time, and if they say there wasn't or isn't someone else... Took some honesty and openness, but when asked to finally free me from my suspicions and just be honest with me for once in our marriage... I got the truth. A whole year's worth of truth, lies, deceit, and selfishness. Abandoned is indeed the best way to describe those left in the dust. I only found out because he called it off with her to take up a leadership position in his church, lol. A whole lot of people never truly get over the incredibly brutal deceit and betrayal. And what makes it most brutal and abusive is that usually, the person who left reassures themselves that the relationship was dead not usually the case , and that they are somehow doing everyone a favor. But, go on with your slick little story of being such an unselfish love bug, while your devastated partner selfishly wishes to keep the family intact. You know, for grandchildren and such, all those selfish reasons. I've not seen any case where the left spouse or children felt the loving gesture by the person leaving. But, I have seen cases where I've seen the wonderful 'loving' gesture by the left spouse by acting mature, graceful and loving in being left. I realize that this is very difficult and many people are unable to do this. But, I have witnessed it and feel like it is one of the most loving things I have seen. This article is very unscientific and based on anecdotal evidence. As stated by others relationships go through phases, it's natural as we ourselves change and grow over time from our experiences. As a society we are too hung up on romance. Just like anything else there are multiple endings. Sometimes it's just over. Too many times two people get together; one stops growing while the other takes off in leaps and bounds. The things they once had in common, they no longer do.. Different stages in life seem to effect all human relationships including marriage on a whole. When we are young, we tend to jump into things blindly and with both feet. Sadly the person left bereft is usually completely unaware, and they are cut to a deep level. What they don't realize it's not them, it's the other... A marriage is a commitment, a promise that people MADE, legally and morally. It is a contract. You CHOOSE to do it. You hold them in positive regard. You think of their good qualities. If you have to go cry into your pillow, you do so, without letting them see it. When you take the step of getting married, you are COMMITTING to stay, even if things are tough, even if you feel empty, even if you want to hide under a rock. You are signing your name on the dotted line. Feelings never end marriages. Choices to violate a contract and renege on promises made. If a couple can keep the sex interesting, they'll stay together. No couple ever divorces when the sex is great and consistent. Keeping the sex interesting, though, means making sex a higher priority than money. Few people in our money-driven society are willing to do that -- to drive a Corolla instead of a Lexus, but have sex every day as a result.

In the early years that can be exciting and satisfying but if that intense feeling of intimacy fades, a relationship can become very unsatisfying, maybe even scary. HubPages Google Idea This is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. We review all comments before posting them to reduce spam and offensive content. YOU have to make it clear why. The only people I hear that kind of response from are those that were the custodes that left and are making excuses for their behavoir. Author: KRISTEN M SACCARDI. Serotonin eases women, relaxing them, allowing them to feel comfort, contentment, and optimism. They never loved you in the first place, but are just realizing or admitting to it now. On the other xi, partners with functional love styles try to help each other to achieve their life goals. Say Media We partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites.